Homesick.

I haven't allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to be back home in Prescott until recently, because I knew that was not a possibility, and there was no use pining for something you couldn't have. Somehow after we started considering it a possibility while Kevin went off to Alaska without me and the kids, I realized how MUCH i missed home.

Kevin is putting in his final cancellation orders for Alaksa now, today. In so many ways I am COMPLETELY relieved. I do *not* want him jumping out of planes, and i do *not* want him to miss the birth of our baby or seeing our children grow. I would miss him every single day with his silly jokes, his warm snuggles, and just the way he looks at me and I know I'm loved.

But there is a selfish part of me that wishes I could go home. A part of me that is mourning the thought of not being at home again.

I know it will pass eventually. I will move on again, and adjust and make the life that I'm living work to the best I can make it. I will find a way to make happiness for myself and my family wherever we are. I know that.

The thing that seems to compound my frustration and sadness in the meantime, is the fact that now that his orders are being cancelled (or at least an 80-90% chance they will be), he will be going somewhere else. There is a small chance its somewhere that me & the kids could go. But there is an even BIGGER chance that it could be someplace like korea or to a unit deploying to Iraq as early as november (in which case he doesn't have the option to cancel those orders since he used his one cancellation, and will miss our baby being born).

I'm trying to keep my chin up about all this, and usually after a good cry and vent fest I can come to accept things and move on. I'm sure this will be the same way. Its just very stressful in the mean time