Accepting Things...

(**NOTE** My blog is not posting my updates for like 12+ hours... i dont know why but they are all delayed on this particular blog. DRIVING ME CRAZY. Hope you'll bear with me.)

There is a lot in life that I've been forced to accept. I say forced because I do not accept negative change easily. I've been forced to give up a child from my womb on Christmas 2003, and just accept that its the "way it is" and that there is nothing i can do about it. I was forced to accept that my daughter may never be "normal" by society's standards or have the growth and development of other people her age. She may never know how to drive, or what it means to get her first paycheck, or even to fall in love. I pray she does, but I have had to accept and be ok with the alternative because of her disabilities that I pray will disappear every day. I have been forced to accept that the perfect marriage is truly a fairy tale, and even though I would not trade my relationship with my husband for anything in the world, the loss of seeing what was once its "perfection" was devastating and I am not sure if it can ever be truly rebuilt to the "perfection" it once encompassed for me. I've been forced to accept that others choose not to return my friendship, leaving me feeling like a failure, damaged goods, unvalued. I've been forced to see these situations in life and learn to accept them. There is no choice on my part in any of those situations, and more. Acceptance is one thing I struggle with there.

I know in my mind that i will never hold that lost child in my arms on this earth, but HOPE is what keeps my love for her alive... I refuse to accept that there is no future with her. I know in my mind that there is a chance that Abbi may never grow to be a "normal" adult, but my heart has HOPE that she will do all that and more. My mind knows that a permanent scar has been placed on my marriage, but my heart KNOWS that love can conquer all, and that we WILL make it through stronger and happier than ever imagined. My mind knows that the people I love will not always love me back, but my heart HOPES that my love will still seep through, and show them that my friendship has never moved.

There is a lot in life that I have been forced to accept. Still... I can, and will, never lose hope. Ever.