What does my Faith mean??

I'm sure anyone reading this is aware that blog entries (for me at least) are inspired by things in my life going on. God has just brought me to a place where I need to let down all of my baggage, and lean on him. I do go through cyclical phases where I am closer to God than in others. I wish I knew how to change that. I am working on it...

I have recently had my faith questioned, and that's ok I guess, logically. It will happen. People will equate your "level" of Christianity with the way you lead and have lead your life. Its the nature of people I guess.

I have tried to make the right choices, and yes, I have failed many a time. Those closest to me are aware of my faults and failures, they see them more than most, because I let down my guard around them. I'm not proud of those parts of my past. I want to move past them, have asked God to help me. Over time I can feel his forgiveness and the newness that a bright new day brings to me, at least until I am reminded. From there the process of moving on begins again, and then some... I am not only left with the stark reminder of my own poor choice, but knowing that someone I care about knows and has judged me for it as well.

So can I be a Christian, and have faith, and a relationship with God, when I am ridden with faults and failures? God says I can. My verse calendar today reads, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13. The commentary to the left says, "No matter what sin we have committed, no matter how black, dirty, shameful, or terrible it may be, God loves us. We may be at the very gate of hell itself, but God loves us with an everlasting love. Because of his love there is a way of salvation, a way back to God through Jesus Christ, His Son."

Does God call me to a higher standard because of my faith? Absolutely. There is no doubt about it that those who claim Christianity, and hold it in their hearts, are called to live a life without these faults & failures. Every day I am challenged to make right choices, and no, I dont always make the right choice or follow down the straight and narrow. I wish I did. Not for anyone else, but for God. I want to be a shining light for him, and I hate that the regrets in my past have dimmed that light in some people's eyes. I cant change the past. All I can change is the future.

The important thing for me, is to know that I am right with God in my heart. To have the faith to know that God loves me as I am, and that he has forgiven and helped me move past the parts of my past that were wrong and painful, and that the choices I make today are based on what he would have me to do.

I do feel that I am right with God. I know who I am. God knows who I am. I cant change others opinion of me, make them understand me & my faith, or apologize for things that I did not do. I can only be me, and be as real and as genuine as I can be, and then adjust to the path that life takes me on from there.

Its a rough road, but I'm just keeping on walking.